I've been torn between paganism and Christianity for ~2 years now, but I recently read C.S Lewis's Mere Christianity, and that book was so very convincing that it pushed me over the edge and I started to pray to Jesus and attending mass.
However ever since then I feel rather bad. My baser urges are getting stronger and my mind is all about making excuses for my desire to fornicate and seek out sex. I didn't masturbate for weeks now but I regularly have dreams of a sexual nature, I sleep really badly, I think about having sex a LOT more than I used to, and I have prideful phantasies of being a good person. Generally I feel like a terrible person.
I also try to love Jesus and God, but I don't know how to actually do that? Do I force these emotions or do I just do good things and offer them to Christ? I already understand that good deeds shouldn't be done for my own ego, but out of love for God, however it's so hard to avoid hubris and self-satisfaction.
Another thing is that I try to "let go" of my desires, but I can't do it all. I mostly focus on keeping my sexual frustration in check, but I find myself stress-eating a LOT as a result.
I feel like a part of me just wants to give up. What do?
Another thing I found to be very hard is that I can't decide whether it's pleasing to God that I work in the field of chemistry and informatics? How do you work for the benefit of people around you out of love if you merely play around with bits of code and mix chemicals for profit?
Sometimes I wonder if I screwed up royally.
Tyler Cooper
You need to chill out, bro.
Jackson Watson
It's only satan and the world tempting you because you're starting to free yourself. In fact it should make you happy and push you to keep going because you're on the right path. Why would satan tempt the wordly who are already his? Or the lukewarm? There is no point… All his attacks are directed against those who seek God with sincerity.
I've struggled with that. We must love God with our entire self… That also includes our intelligence, our deeds… It's not just an emotion. Even if you feel nothing "strong" during prayer (it comes and go) as long as you keep His commandements and do it for Him you're set.
Just remember that you're nothing. I really mean it. You're nothing. All your beauty, your strenght and your virtue come from God. If He wished it he could take everything from you… But it's especially true of the virtues… You cannot create virtue… The only thing you can do is to destroy what prevents God's grace to shine upon you. He's basically lending you virtue Without God just you're another fornicator codemonkey.
Unless you're creating software that actively harms society (like Tinder) I don't think it matters. God will judge you according to what you've done regarding your situation.. You can still live a saintly life while attending your wordly duties to feed yourself.
Running before walking, or even crawling. Focus on doing one thing and see how it effects your life, try setting aside a certain time to pray at home, find something regular and repeatable like the Jesus prayer and numb your mind with it.
Also enjoy it, you've found something wonderful, worth reading about, discussing and sharing through charity. This isn't like paganism where you are trying to do the right practices to please arbitrary gods, instead do charitable things, and don't worry where the chips fall. Everything is in God's hands, and we're such small creatures that even the act of charity doesn't belong to us.
You're doing something, and that's the main thing
Bentley Kelly
Thank you anons. It was especially hard for me to find "my calling", because I only ever did things that interested me but everything grew stale after a while. Maybe I should just stick to what I do now and run with it. Maybe get deeper into chemistry. I love chemistry.
Julian Nelson
Satan prefers attacking the young, and you are young in Christ. Christ Himself referred to being 'born again,' a thing which has just happened to you. Satan has no scruples and knows that, if you are allowed to mature, he can never have you back in his clutches, so he's trying to kill your faith in its infancy. You're not to blame that your struggles are increasing, just as we don't fault newborns for having trouble coping with the world. What you need to do is: a) accept that this is reality b) acknowledge that it is temporary, out loud if that helps c) surround yourself with mature Christians who can save your infant self from the hungry wolves. I would also recommend you read C.S. Lewis' "The Screwtape Letters" for insight into how demons attempt to tempt you and what works best against their attacks Most of all, user, know that we, the entire body of Christ, are behind you.
Jack Ramirez
Does anyone have a digital version of this book to share? On the subject, should we do a library thread?
Regarding your issues, as someone who also lived in degeneracy, is constantly aroused and thinking of sex. This is among our most primal urges, is one of main focus of energy, but it doesn't need to be, my hope is that it will get easier eventually and I can then focus this energy in other areas. I'm not even capable yet of holding out on fapping for long, and even when I can go a week without it, women will start eyeing me up with lustful eyes, is true temptation his in several ways, and it's the work of the devil.
Cooper Butler
Also keep in mind, sometimes work for work's sake is a prayer to God unto itself.
Off the top of my head, I remember a tale of St. Anthony of the Desert. He was having prideful thoughts, so in order to humble him, he sent him a dream of a shoemaker in the village whom God said was more humble and worthy than he was. St. Anthony then sought out this shoemaker and inquired about his daily life. The shoemaker said he basically got up each day, said his prayers, made shoes, and had the mentality that all others were on the path to heaven except him, and focused on his own shortcomings and sins rather than that of others. St. Anthony kissed him on the forehead and said that the shoemaker had found the precious pearl without any effort.
Making shoes isn't exactly changing the world, but the shoemaker was righteous in God's eyes simply because of humility and doing what God put him on earth to do.
