Firstly, I want to say that I affirm that you know more than me about God's will.
Second - the Bible says we'll build houses and tend vineyards, and that there will be no infants in Heaven;
>kingjamesbibleonline.org/Isaiah-Chapter-65/
So I would argue that that there's no sex or reproduction in Heaven, but that we'll have bodies, nice houses built with our own hands, and gardens full of grapes at least - probably many other fruits.
What if I told you that what led me to becoming a Christian was the story of Enoch, who became an Angel?
But as I became more educated, I learned that Enoch's transformation was special, and all Christians became Saints. I couldn't really become an Angel.
The Angels in Christian art are pretty much exactly what I want to be - maybe a tad more effeminate. If God could grant me beauty like an Angel, that would be exactly what I want.
The thing is, I've done psychedellics, and they were in fact why I became a Christian - I did drugs, and planned on turning myself into an Angel with science. God became real to me as a distant 'prime mover,' who was in fact myself in the future;
>kingjamesbibleonline.org/1-Corinthians-Chapter-15/
Slowly, as I came to understand Christianity, I realized that believing yourself to be God was sin. So, I moved to a new theology where I was basically a divine son of God, myself a god with all the associated executive powers.
When I finally made the decision to become Christian and started contacting churches, suddenly I imagined defending my theology to a parish, and slowly but surely I realized that everything I was saying you be rejected. I was also researching Catholicism specifically at this time, and came to learn that Catholics in particular, and Christians in general believe in Patriarchial interpretation of the Bible - and the men who composed the clergy were chosen from men who had read the Bible well, and been Christians long enough to learn tradition.
In this way, the church becomes a direct reflection of Heaven - entry to the Christian community is literally entrance to Heaven. If the church rejects you, it's because you're a sinner.
God will make his chosen ones beautiful in every sense of the word in the new earth even if we can't imagine what it will look like
That makes me feel a lot better. Thank you.
My problem is that I can accept other people, but I can't accept myself on those same terms. I have to be polite to others - I can tell myself any painful truth. I sit around, psychologically self-harming - savoring the pain of negative self-judgement.
I don't deserve cake because I'm ugly, and I give my cake to others' because I don't deserve if. I stopped masturbating mainly because my ugly body took the pleasure out of it - my body is so ugly, I don't even want to sin with it. And porn is hollow because I can't get aroused, because all I think about is how ugly I am to the actors - which are drawn most of the time, because I like anime and hentai. (I don't look at the hentai anymore, and I feel like I should delete it.)
I've given up everything on Earth - not because I love it and think giving it up with get me something, but because it was black, painful poison. The Earth feels like a rip off - a total disappointment. Unless I get to Heaven, my entire existance will have been agony.
And God bless you.