I am in a long-term relationship, and live together and have sex occasionally. However we are not married.
I've recently came to Christ, and am aware that I live in sin. Should I just break up?
Also she is a devout atheist and it's come to a point where we are unable to talk about issues related to faith without getting into a fight.
I still deeply love her and she loves me back. What should I do?
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You will have to leave her, I’m afraid. Unequal yoking will only hurt you both.
There's nothing wrong with marring someone who isn't christian, so long as if you have kids you bring them up in the faith. That at least my understanding of it.
Did you two stopped having sex? Does she respect that or does she still seduce you in any way?
That’s entirely wrong. It’s right in the Bible.
We haven't stopped and she knows I regard it as a sin (and was deeply offended by it). We have less sex than we used to.
I haven't brought up the idea of not having sex (until marriage), because it would probably lead to end of our relationship.
St. Monica married a pagan and look what came out of that.
Well you absolutely have to stop, right now. If you love Christ, you will obey His commandments. Which do you love more, Christ or physical pleasure?
Doesn't the Bible also say you shouldn't divorce your wife only because she isn't a Christian? She's his wife, by verbal agreement at least.
It's not even my physical pleasure, but for the sake of the relationship. I'm on nofap and could be without sex, but it would mean the end of our relationship.
I guess it's your cross to bear.
Good luck user.
I'll pray for you.
You're saved and she's unwilling, so you're incompatible. You are Biblically prohibited from marrying her and she would be a bad mother to your children.
Right now she is a stumbling block to you and it's giving you strife. End immediately.
This is what I've also thought. Marriages weren't institutionalized when the bible was written, they were more like informal contracts.
But this is in a way a lousy excuse, Christianity is really solid about marriage.
What really is difficult is choosing between love and God. It hard to think that God's will would be against love, while it seems so in this case.
she's his concubine
wrong
Marriages were official, public pronouncements since at least Genesis 34. Tradition for NT Hebrews was to hold a feast in accordance with the wedding, see the wedding feast in Cana.
Deuteronomy 22 instructs that a man who is caught in fornication is required to marry the girl, but it doesn't conflate the act of fornication with a marriage.
If she was a virgin when he fornicated with her.
If she wasn’t a virgin, it would be assumed she was married, in which case both would be executed.
m8
But it also says that if she leaves you for that reason you can leave her be and let her go but if she then commits adultery after she's left you and whether said adultery therefore triggers the exception to the ban on remarriage for the innocent Christian or not, is a whole other can of worms
Holy Guacamole, are you me? I literally just got back from confession and the preist, unfortunately, couldn't absolve me because my fiancée and I are living together not married yet. Fortunately my girl is catholic albeit lukewarm and disappointed I chose to abstain before we actually get married
Tbh fam, if she really loved you for you and not your performance in bed she would respect your decision to abstain before marriage. Thats what love is all about, sacrifice. In my mind that would be a deal breaker, but I have hope that she will come to her senses. I'll pray a rosary for you both and I implore you to pray the rosary as well recommended daily. I swear on me mum it helps IMMENSELY when it comes to conquering lust and staying pure in God's eyes and maybe a miracle will happen and she converts as well, with God all things are possible In the mean time, be a shinning example of a righteous Christian man. She will (hopefully) respect your virtue and understand why you are doing what you are doing.
Also
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Its a little book the preist I confessed to gave me. It's a really good read.
How would you know this? I doubt they were unaware that unmarried prostitutes and fornicators existed in their society.
What? That's not love at all.
That's wrong.
You're not choosing between love and God, you're choosing between lust and God. If your girlfriend loved you, then she wouldn't leave you just because you won't have sex anymore before marriage.
You need to be honest with her and tell her about the law you are bound by. If she cannot accept someone otherwise fully compatible, moreover that what you are doing is out of love, then how could you expect her to become of one flesh with you eventually? Bring up faith even if it will lead to fights. Excommunicate her, and she will be able to choose either you or her idols in due time.
That said, read up on apologetics. Even read atheist books. I don’t know about her backround, but if ahe is an atheist simply out of logic find out the best logical defenses and proofs of god. If she can’t even listen to your beliefs, then its not a real lasting love she holds for you, and vice versa.
Good posts in this thread! I must bring up the question of sexual abstinence with my girlfriend.
If she leaves me, then its not true love.
I was more or less in the same place as you. My girlfriend was christian but pretty lukewarm, and she wasn't welcoming the idea of waiting until marriage. I was very concerned at times, thinking that i would have to break up in the future over this..along with other possible future problems, like contraception. We ended up breaking up for other reasons, but i feel free now. I can find someone is alligned better with my beliefs, without having to worry dissapointing or upstetting someone.
All I can say is good luck brother, remember even if it initially seems like a bad decision God rewards those who humble themselves before him
This. But you need to bring up the children Catholic.
One user mentioned the example of St. Monica. I suggest you look into it.
Stop having sex btw. If she doesn't want to stop then she is no good and kick her out.
But if he is already saved what's the problem of doing whatever he wants? Once saved, always saved amirite?
What's going to happen is that the more aware you are of who God is in relationship to us and what that entails, the more you are going to choose Him over her and at some point it's going to be either.
I've made the same decision six months ago. Guess what, it's been horrible when I broke up, and there have been repercussions ever since because my ex is depressive and cannot get over me yet. But when I kneel before the altar and receive Holy Communion on Sundays, I know I wouldn't trade that for all the sex we could have had or all the time we could have spent together.
In fact one of my biggest regrets after confession was having desecrated her body all this time when I already knew that it was an offense to her and to God.
I don't want to point fingers at you. I'm just sharing how it went for me if that helps. I'll pray for both of you tonight user.
How does this even work?
She prays to Dawkins every day?
Means she's a pic related
If you are Protestant, you have the following saying of Apostle Paul:
"If any brother has an unbelieving wife, and if she is content to live with him, he should not leave her. [Likewise,] the woman who has an unbelieving husband who is content to live with her should not leave her husband. This is because the unbelieving husband is sanctified in his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but in fact, they are holy. Yet, if the unbeliever decides to leave, let there be separation. The brother or sister is not under constraint b in such cases, but God has called us in peace. Truly, how do you know, wife, if you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, if you will save your wife?" (1 Cor. 7:12-16)
If you are Orthodox, you also have this saying by the Apostle, but in addition you have canon 72 of the 6th Ecumenical council:
"An orthodox man is not permitted to marry an heretical woman, nor an orthodox woman to be joined to an heretical man. But if anything of this kind appear to have been done by any [we require them] to consider the marriage null, and that the marriage be dissolved. For it is not fitting to mingle together what should not be mingled, nor is it right that the sheep be joined with the wolf, nor the lot of sinners with the portion of Christ. But if any one shall transgress the things which we have decreed let him be cut off.
But if any who up to this time are unbelievers and are not yet numbered in the flock of the orthodox have contracted lawful marriage between themselves, and if then, one choosing the right and coming to the light of truth and the other remaining still detained by the bond of error and not willing to behold with steady eye the divine rays, the unbelieving woman is pleased to cohabit with the believing man, or the unbelieving man with the believing woman, let them not be separated, according to the divine Apostle, "for the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife by her husband."
DO not. I repeat DO not listen to these incels on here. You're forgetting that this is still 8ch. People on here will be telling you to break off the relationship out of pure spite that you actually have a relationship. If you marry later it won't be as big of a deal. Do what you think is best for your relationship and worship.
This doesn't apply. How can you assume a 20 year old is already married if they weren't a virgin?
You should also bring your wife to Christ, user. If I married a non religious girl I'd force her into Christianity.
Go back to reddit.
Obviously that's the ideal, but in the worst case scenario at least bring your children up in the way of the lord.
IF they marry later that is still fine.
Can you rephrase your post. I'm not sure what you're trying to say.
There are many circumstances as to why they might have had sex before marriage, perhaps he wasn't a Christian when they first started dating or perhaps he messed up. Whatever the reason, if you eventually get married, you will be forgiven.
Stop fornicating. Do not be unequally yoked.
Then what is the point of the relationship? Sex is not and never will be a need as food and water is. Someone who would leave you because they can't get sex will never love you.
Good news! We are no longer having sex until marriage. She must really love me. Thanks for you prayers!
I don't think you should be asking this board, but if she respects you less for your beliefs, that is the definitive warning sign.
God is never against love, he's against that which pretends to be love, but is false. This is why Jesus and even St Paul praise celibacy; so that one can be free to enjoy unconditional love, not the love that is bought and paid for by sex.
Not saying you have to take such a hard road, but consider that the love you share in must be as unconditional as possible. It is not easy in the least.
:-(
Congratulations, OP! I hope y'all stay happy and healthy forever :)
Congratulations man. I hope it all works out for you.
Good news, hope it works out. I think you will find the measure of yourselves through such a commitment.
Then she’s using you. If you really can’t speak to her about personal things you feel strongly about, and sex is the only thing keeping the relationship together, then she doesn’t love you.
Personal advice? Confront her about this. If she can’t come to terms with the fact that you’ve changed and have morals, then she isn’t for her. Drop her like a sack of potatoes and never look back.
good thing. and good luck, for it will be hard and the temptations strong (!!!), learn the jesus prayer to avoid them. im in the same situation together with . i suggest that we (who are in the same situation) pray for each other
This. Especially if she's a devout atheist and especially if you're still having sex with her as you are not providing a good example.
Lmao. This guy is engaging in sodomy with an atheist. How is this in any way going to result in a long term Christian relationship? This guy is basking in sin.
There's nothing good about this situation. The only reasoning that she has is purely subjective with no coherent justification.
...
I'm a friendless shut-in who never had a gf so bear that in mind, but I think a husband and wife (or bf/gf etc) should be able to talk about anything and if you have a problem she should hear you out with an open mind and try to honestly solve the problem, and you do the same for her. If one doesn't do that, then it's not the best relationship.
Don't break up with her just for not being Christian though, that's gay af.
Also be careful not to actually argue over this. No one likes religion being forced on them, and if she feels that way (Rightly or wrongly) then she'll probably dump you sooner or later.
Be nice. Make a good example for her. Be gentle around this topic and don't push too hard. A little gentle nudge here and there.
Try to explain why it's a sin, pray for her, but be ready to let go of her (despite how painful it might be) if she's unwilling to change. It's bad for you, but even more for her: for you have been found by God, but she hasn't, so you are in a greater danger in the short run (as you now can be welcomed in the Church and receive His forgiveness in the future) whilst she's still stubborn and refuses His hand while she's drowning in this world of pleasures and selfishness (thus her sins are not going away soon, probably not even later if she refuses His mercy and His forgiveness in the sacrament of reconciliation).
Read her phone messages.
Seconded. I remember a similar thread by another OP where:
In that case, she knew the value of chastity and could pursue it again, even if difficult. In >>776296's case, his gf doesn't have a relationship with God and most likely doesn't see the value of chastity, and in our current pozzed society, she likely feels justified in cheating. OP's setting himself up to be cucked.
What a good thought, props.