I want to believe

Seriously check out the book "Aquinas" by Feser (he also has written other books and has ablog, I encourage you to check them out - Feser is a Thomistic philosopher who makes a fantastic job of introducing and defending Thomism to someone without any knowledge about it). Aquinas's arguments, as convincing as they are when you learn them in detail, can indeed be misleading and it's extremely easy to not understand what they arr saying without a solid introduction. Most of the versions you can find, even in introductions to philosophy that aren't written by someone without expertise in Scholasticism specifically, are botched or even outright strawmen.

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Read Edward Feser and Aristotle. Materialism is a flawed philosophical position. People project onto and derive from science way too many incoherent philosophical positions.

saving these till I'm well enough to read them, as well as everything else in this thread.