I had so many attractive women flirt with me these past ten years it's not funny.
And what takes this beyond "not funny" and into the realm of morbidity is that I have not had sex with any of them. Or even kissed them.
I am about to turn 34. I have kissed a few ugly women in my early twenties. I kissed a cutie when I was 26. Briefly. I had sex with a prostitute when I was 29.
That's it. That's my sexual history.
Hahaha.
Yeah. I know.
And I'm not kidding. I'm good-looking. Attractive women flirt with me. Sometimes quite aggressively. My friends have noticed this phenomenon when I go out with them.
And I'm a very romantic and libidinous guy. I imagine myself making love to these women. To the girls who have talked sensually and invitingly to me, to the girls who were practically falling on my lap in how overtly they pursued me. Girls whose names and faces I rememeber and think about in this maudlin way.
Regret. Sometimes I think "Screw it. Enough. I'm going to go get laid. I'll be sexually adventurous."
But well. Yeah. Guilt. Religious guilt. Is basically the explanation here. My "morals" have prevented me from doing it, basically.
I mean, it's a sin, isn't it? Fornication is a sin.
I could have led quite a life of don juanism at this point. But instead I'm… some sort of weird "volcel".
I know that in a sense I am right to abstain from sex. But I think I'm some kind of neurotic weirdo. That there is a neurosis at play here, too. That most guys in my circumstances, even seriously religious guys, would have had a sexual adventure or two at this point.
Anyway, just getting it off my chest. I'm not expecting anyone to tell me to chill and go have sex or anything like that. I just want to post about this frustration of mine. Feels good to air it out. Thanks for reading.