Euphemisms for Confession

I thought this thread would be useful for many anons that haven't gone to Confession in a while to start Holy week with the right foot
Lets see if we can get the mods to allow other languages as well

Masturbation => Impure/Obscene acts
Watching pornography => I have watched obscenities
Bestiality & other abominations => I've been sexually immoral
Fornication => I have failed to keep chaste
Sacrilege => I have been irreverent to vehicles of worship
Cross-dressing => ?
Drunkenness => I failed to drink in moderation
Violence => I have harmed anthers body

Can someone think of a euphemism for "rubbing yourself against a girl" in Spanish, thanks

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Last time I watched porn i just said so.
You dont need to talk like a tuxedo pooh,just mention the act

if you beat off and the priest is well-read enough you could probably get away with confessing the sin of onanism. Might try this

Some of these will be helpful for me in confession, thank you. I don't plan to tip toe around but there have been some real shitty things I have done or thought about that I just can't bring myself to confess.

What about:

Masturbation => I have masturbated
Watching pornography => I have watched pornography
Bestiality & other abominations => I have committed bestiality
Fornication => I have committed fornication
Sacrilege => I have committed sacrilege
Cross-dressing => I have cross-dressed
Drunkenness => I was drunk/intoxicated
Violence => I have done violence to someone

What's the point of confessing if you're going to twist your words so that the priest cannot actually give you spiritual advice to get past those sins, or give you a penance adapted to what you did? Or is it Christ that you are trying to avoid being honest to? You may as well not go to confession at all if your spirit is like this. You're not repentant yet.
Just don't go into gory details that would obviously tempt your priest to judge you or to be aroused by those passions himself. Say "I have masturbated", don't precise your method of masturbation or what you masturbated to (looking at pornography is a separate sin). Say "I have committed bestiality", do not go into details about what you did exactly to what animal. Say "I have dishonored by parents by insulting them", do not precise that you called your mother a stupid bitch.

If you go to confession to say nothing of substance, you may as well tell the priest "I have sinned" and end it there.

Some day I will drive 5 hours to fully confess in a small parish at the other side of the country, but I see and talk to my priest on a weekly basis, you can’t tell me he won’t judge me after I tell him I committed beastiality (though no insertion took place) and there are also laws against that, so my penance could be to turn myself in, what then? What do?

If he judges you for your sins, it is a sin for him, but is it a bad thing for you? Christ will judge you with much more strength if you hide your sins and do not repent of them.

Accept the penance and turn yourself in? It is expected of murderers, it is expected of thieves, why should you escape it?
If you are not ready yet to kneel in front of Jesus Christ and accept whatever medecine He deems to be good for you, if you are not willing to let the fire of the Holy Spirit purify you and burn away the evil within you, you have not repented yet, and therefore going to confession would mean nothing at all. It would be more healthy for you to wait to wholly realize you have messed up by leaving the house of the Father, and return to Him with tears and the willigness to accept even the harshest punishment, rather than to hastily give a half-hearted confession, receive no grace from the sacrament, and commune unworthily to the Body and Blood of Christ and therefore earn eternal punishment.

When David realized that he messed up when the prophet Natan told him, his confession to God was not "I sinned by harming another's body and failing to keep chast", but "my sin is always before me", and "in iniquity I was conceived", and "a broken heart is the only sacrifice You want". And of course, in the sacrament of confession, you confess to Christ but the priest is there to witness it, but, if you're still not ready to submit to your priest and make yourself vulnerable to him in that way, if you're still not ready to obey St Paul when he tells you to "submit to one another", do you really think you could spend an eternity worshipping God with him, both of you being members of the same Body?

Do not fear humiliation. Christ was humiliated to the extreme, and He was perfectly innocent.

You may also want to read this:

The priest is not allowed to make you turn yourself in, since this would invalidate the seal of Confession by extension. What you confess does not leave the confessional… you leave with your penance, and the sin is washed away forever. Don't fear – God is merciful and good, and Jesus instituted this sacrament as a funnel of forgiveness, not a path to condemnation. Confess and allow His love to work within you! :-)

Alright brothers I’ll do it tomorrow but I still don’t get whats so bad about euphemisms, would you confess using euphemisms in confession? how is it a sin or bad if both parties know the meaning of what you’re saying?

My two cents:

I don't think using euphemism is a sin as long as you're clear about which sin you committed. For example, if you say "I browsed obscene websites" instead of "porn websites" your confessor can clearly understand what are you talking about. However, if you just say "I sinned against chastity", that can mean a myriad of different actions and is not what you should strive for in your confession.

As I've said above, not going into details is fine, even good. You don't want to tempt your priest.
But what's in the OP is not merely euphemisms to avoid saying out loud something so horrible it should not be said, although both parties know very well what is meant.
I'm not aware of any culture where "obscene acts" evidently means masturbation, or "watching obscenities" evidently means watching porn, or "harming another's body" evidently means "committing acts of violence".

Or more simply and eloquently, what said.
Even you seem to know this, since you said you don't confess to the priest you normally see because you're scared he will judge you or give you a penance that is too difficult. But if you both know what is meant by your euphemism, his judgment and the penance will not be any different than if you said more directly what sins you committed, right? He will not give you a lighter penance, or feel less disturbance in his heart, if you say "I have taken the life of another person" rather than "I have killed someone". But, again, don't take it too far in the other direction and explain who you killed and for what reason and how you carried it out.

That's interesting. Orthodox here, one time I asked my priest what he would do if a person confessed to murder. He has told me that he would request a murderer turn himself in, and that he wouldn't complete the confession service until he did. Any other Orthos in the thread that can say if this is a difference between us and Catholics, or is my priest out of line?

I tell my priest that I jack off to women and little pubescent high school girls I see at mass face to face. They have a face to face side and an anonymous side in the confessional and I was too stupid to understand this so some days I would do face to face and some days I would do anonymous. And I go pretty much every week and not many others go ever so he definitely knows my voice and my face. If I could do it all over, I would go to confession at a different parish, but it's too late for me to care. He already knows I'm a sick, depraved winnie the pooh. It's really winnie the poohin hard being an autistic loser freak trying to fit in with a bunch of vanilla normies who all have families and friends. I cried today after vigil mass.

But yeah, truth is, no one really gives a winnie the pooh. They won't go out of their way to harass you, they mostly just avoid you and try to keep you quarantined. Just go confess and stop giving a winnie the pooh. Also I did some bestiality stuff when I was like 14 and I never confessed it specifically, I just told him I did a lot of depraved things in my time as a lukewarm. There was also no insertion.

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Don't tiptoe if you don't want your confession to be of doubtful validity, demons will use it to cause uncertainty.neither go into to much detail. confess the specie of the sin and number or frequency as best as you can.

Clearly you wish to be better, and this is all Our Lord is focused on. And given that you are faithfully confessing these sins, I'm sure this is all your priest is focused on also. The fact that you are humble enough to keep confessing is a sign that God's grace is at work in you. Keep it up user, and pray your rosary always!

One thing though. Was the beastiality stuff before your baptism? If not, you must confess this sin specifically. A single unconfessed mortal sin is the difference between life and death. This could also be the act of humility that gives you the strength to leave your other sins of impurity behind. God bless you in the struggle.


No way, just straight up say what you did. I practically ran to church to do confession this morning and told him how I got drunk last night. When I was severely struggling with porn, I'd be frank and ask forgiveness for watching pornography.
I think I the only time I may have used a euphemism was in my first confession when I was trying to cover everything I'd done in the last 25 years, but I also didn't over generalize; I specifically mentioned fornication, drunkenness, and porn use. I said something along the lines of "sexual actions" for when I took pictures and received them years ago, as that also covered anything I missed with the previous statements.

tl;dr don't use euphemisms, be frank. But slight generalization is ok so long as it's kept relatively narrow in scope.

Yeah, this. Don't be scrupulous but also don't beat around the bush. I guarantee you that priests have heard things ten times more winnie the poohed up than your sins.

Ah, I recall having to explain to a priest how I sinned by being in the furry community…most awkward 10 minutes of my life.

Go thank him for his aid and tell him you're cured of your depravity. Then travel to a different parish and confess your sin of lying. Maybe that way you could get your priest to think you're no longer a depraved weirdo?

That's called "intercrural sex". Same in Spanish (sexo intercrural).
Sage for double posting.

I fail to fulfill my duty to take my financial situation of the next few months seriously, because i am getting increasingly convinced that I am made for monastic life. Yet I acknowledge that it is far too early to decide, that I really know very little about it, and that tempting God is a sin.

Please pray for me that I take my job seriously, I often pray for your purity issues, brothers. Pic unrelated

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Orthodox here, I'd say your priest is out of line.

Btw sorry this was meant for the self-improvement thread

Mine said this as well

He said that turning oneself in is a necessary step of repentance.
Sage for doublepost

So you want to lie to your Confessor? Do you really think you can Jew God?