Install gtypist on Gentoo or other linux distro. Open in terminal and type.
How do I learn to type using more than four fingers?
Why don't you go back to /g/ and ask them.
Ktouch
Home keys are a meme. Type however the fuck you want. Focus on WHAT you type and not HOW you type because that's all that fucking matters.
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Start using DVORAK
It feels much more natural then QWERTY and you'll get the hang of it pretty quick
Switch your QWERTY layout to Dvorak instead.
Just keep typing. Take it from someone who learned to touch-type in his late 20s: you just need to keep going and never look down. You'll be slow like a retard, but once it gets into your muscle memory you'll be set. Just remember to never looks down. Cover your hands with a cloth or pull a t-shirt over your keyboard if you cannot keep yourself from looking down.