No identity

Nice spooks. But if you want to cling to this go ahead and at least use the white male tag to be happy.
Then do what white males do and be religious.

Are you Niezchean?

I am trying religion but I don’t believe it which is harmful. I think I don’t understand reality as it is but don’t know what’s really out there.

I feel humans are caught like ants 🐜 in an ant farm, and we’ve gotten too smart for our own good so that now some of us realize it and get our existence poisoned.

Dude while I'm happy that you have a nearly wife, you really really shouldn't have a baby right now. Not for the reason of taking your mind off.
It will fuck you up for good and probably hurt the baby and wife too.
Ever thought of doing some humanitarian help if you are scared of going rogue? What are you good at? Do you have passions or something like that?

I think this is a selfish attitude tbh

Though an understandable one in an atomized, capitalist society.

Look at the people around you who you care about. Maybe your fiance? Your family members? Think about ways you can help them. You only have a limited amount of time on this earth to spend with these people. My belief in socialism is more of an extension of that almost-Christian kind of philosophy though I don't practice it as much as I should.

I also think identity is a spook. If you wander out in the woods by yourself and sit by a pond and stare at it, what use is your identity at that point? This identity stuff is b.s. we tell ourselves.

My fiancée won’t agree to have kids yet so no worries. I partially believe the social Darwinism stuff about needing to have kids to have my genes survive. Although looks like AI will kill us and leave that pointless. Still though I don’t want to let the other guys cuck me by me letting them out reproduce me. I don’t believe I’m going to win survival of the fittest but at least I don’t want to totally lose by being childless.

Honestly I just want to have a useful function in society and I’m afraid I’m a useless drone.

Yes you are right. Good point. I think about identity because I have too much time on my hands.

Maybe once I have a real career I’ll just feel better automatically

You sound really depresses my man.
It's normal btw. Don't think a career will fix this tho (even if you are a hot shot ceo, remeber that the action of a capitalist are obsessive and compulsory. Giving away yourlife and distracting yourself in favour of money).
Do you travel often my man? You should take a few weeks for yourself, traveling a bit may be good to make you think and realize thing. Get outside of america, go to paris for example alone. No plans, just hotel and money. Changing your sorroundings, feeling lost and stranger maybe really what you need to find yourself and your direction

just fucking die

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Become gay and date a black man
Then you will find your true identity