I don't have any qualms, but the closet one is over two hours away, sadly, and in the middle of the state capital.
It's not so much that I think it can't be done, more like He won't because some of my "smaller" sins I have no contrition for. They were intigated over petty situations, but the root cause was people holding double standards that have no reason to exist. I tried that, but nobody is available due to their work. It's a good suggestion, but doesn't work solely due to circumstance.
God forgiving sins isn't an action upon individual sin. It's a general grace granted upon the entirety of the soul.
Your deluded. God forgives sin in totality, purification of the soul on the other hand is different. You are currently dirty, focus on cleaning up your inner life–it'll bound outward into your general personhood.
Pray not just for your self, pray for others. You never once mentioned Love, which is worrying to me. I do not think you give anyone the chance to Love you, not even your self.
Jason Morgan
OP I haven't read all the responses in this thread to you. But I have read some comments that you have responded to. I'm truly sorry for what you're going through and can't really even think to how shit that would all be.
However you are wrong in many areas, the demon has manipulated you to the point where you have accepted the fact that you're going to hell. That there is no salvation that you're a reprobate, etc. That is the demon working on you, feeding you these things to give up hope. I'm sure you're quite aware of these things as well. Again, the demon trying to cut off all avenues of escaping and allowing him to damn yet another of God's beloved children.
I can't really address every point in your original post, but I will give my advice here and I sincerely hope you do not take your life or give up yet. As someone in the thread has said, find some time and visit another Priest. Or do it on the weekend or something. And I'd like you to print this your post off and just give him all of what you've given us, let him know ahead of time you may need a fair bit of his time as you're having a lot of spiritual difficulties. I ask that you print off your OP as that way you won't leave out details that may help the Priest understand a bit more about your problems. IE, Family, Demons, Worries of psychological, Other Priest being afraid and dismissing you, etc.
I believe that you will have a much better chance if you find another Priest. And if you can't find a Catholic Priest that genuinely listens and doesn't dismiss you as superstitious or crazy (which I know a lot have gotten to this point, thinking demons are just a metaphor or something) take a weekend or a sick day (hell you sound like you need one) to take the 2 hour drive to an Orthodox Church emailing the priest in advance that you need some spiritual guidance. I imagine they won't screw around with this shit.
Finally OP remember this. God hasn't given up on you. You're going through a hell of a lot and I can't necessarily say why you haven't been relieved yet. But heck, when you get out of this and renew your Faith you'll be extremely strong in it. God loves you. God will never give up on you. As long as you hold onto faith in Him, He will not abandon you. So don't keep giving in to these thoughts in your head telling you you're damned, that you will never be fit to be in his presence. (I mean not even the saints are, so stop beating yourself up about it) God forgives all sins when truly contrite. You are contrite. You want to be with God, and the demons wish to take away His beloved son.
Please don't give up OP. Take the time to visit a serious Priest. Don't take you're own life, and don't give up on your Lord. Please keep us updated OP, I will start praying a rosary for you starting tomorrow.
In addition to my last post I remember writing that you're contrite and I thought you might mention. I don't know what these are, but I believe us Catholics have something about out conscious as well when it comes to sin. Though a lot of it seems to have taken an awful reputation as of late with pro-sodomy and pro-fornicator priests and the likes saying remarried people and active gays can take communion if clear of conscious or whatever. But in this actual setting I believe you may want to give it some thought.
Another thing of note is the fact that you have no contrition for them. However I imagine you would like to have contrition for them? You would want to be able to truly be sorry for offending God? Its just that you don't feel you did wrong by doing so? The fact that you want to feel contrite but are just unable in my eyes is a sign of contrition to God. I believe I've had similar feelings in the past myself.
Be like Peter OP. He denied our Lord three times having lived and seen the miracles that he presented to Peter. And even having denied our Lord three times, he overcame this and knew that the Lord would forgive him. Going on to become one of the biggest saints. How lesser are your infringements and sins against our Holy Father than his beloved apostle denying Him three times? If Peter can accept the Lord forgives him for this inequity, then you can too. Don't be like Judas who took his own life out of guilt, not believing our Lord would ever forgive him. Be like Peter.
God bless again user, I'll be praying.
Wyatt White
Right, and so if one sin isn't forgiven due to the lack of contrition, doesn't that mean none of them are? I'm not sure what that even means. I know what the concept of love is and all, and the way I try to enact that is improving myself and doing what I can to help others improve. However, you may have a point since if what I'm doing isn't working, I'm quit to abandon the whole thing because it's a failed attempt.
I've been told this before by a friend, but if I wasn't going to Hell, why did the thing come back after we got rid of it the first time? Seems like I'd have to have done something. Thanks for the motivational speech, truly. Can you elaborate on this a little further? I don't quite grasp what you just said. Maybe, but I'm afraid to make that assumption just to make myself feel better. I really want to. I just don't want to abuse it and not get better, which is how its been for the last several months. I've made next to no progress and have even gotten worse, so I don't think that being forgiven right now would do much good.
Leo Rodriguez
You are obviously penitent if you fear the Lord about a specific sin.
Love isn't about helping or improving, It's about understanding and being patient. The way you are reacting to the priest shows me you have no patience, and have little love. Forgiveness in your heart must be worn at all times.
You seem completely work driven which is wrong. Do this, do that, get grace - that is how you are behaiving, stop. Just because your trying to help others does not mean your doing it for the grace of good spirit, in fact you seem to only do it to justify your faith, to "prove" your faith, this is honestly shameable and Jesus would call you out for it.
Ryan Bennett
Long shot, but is your 'demon' a waifu?
Juan Howard
Great webm, Singing in the Rain is a good movie too.
Levi Gonzalez
I imagine purely due to the fact that its spent much time screwing with you so far. It hasn't given up on trying to bring you to damnation with itself. As for how it came back, I'm not too sure.
Can't find any solid readings on the conscience however I believe I found something on contrition for you. "With a resolution to sin no more, you don’t have to “feel” contrition. Contrition is an act of the will, from my understanding, that is preferably accompanied by a feeling but often is not. A requirement of absolution is contrition either perfect or imperfect. Imperfect contrition would be, for example, someone who doesn’t want to go to Hell. Perfect contrition is always done because the person loves God and is sorry they have offended God. “Feeling” the contrition is also a grace from God. You can ask Him for this grace and if He wills it He will grant it to you. If you repent of your sins, preferably but not necessarily because you love God and know you have offended Him, and you resolve to sin no more - your absolution is valid. You don’t have to feel the sorrow. From my understanding, it is possible to have perfect contrition without actually FEELING sorry for the sin. Rather, BEING sorry for offending God whom you love above all things. Also from my understanding, Love is an act of the will that is preferably but not necessarily accompanied by a feeling. Saint Faustina points out that all merit is in the WILL, if I remember right. That means it is about what we WILL and not what we FEEL. In fact, fighting our feelings in order to Love gains us more merit in God’s sight." There you have it even if you weren't contrite to God you may truly have wanted to confess for offending, and at the very least you went to confession to avoid hell right? Either way you have confessed your sins and have received absolution.
Now if you are still believing your confession is insufficient and the like you may suffer from scrupulosity. Give it a read and see if you think you fall into it. If so I guess it can help to be aware of it and you may be able to find help? Feel free to chat more to us if so.
I don't believe you're abusing it user. First try to accept the fact that the Lord has forgiven your trespasses and accepted your confession. Then try to rid yourself of thoughts telling you you're a reprobate and condemned to hell. Which are hollow thoughts I know as its easier said than done but tell yourself none the less.
You need to find yourself a good Priest and talk to him about all of this. Find a local parish, get their email and send them a long-winded email and ask for a meeting. If they give a sincere response you're probably in good hands and that may begin to help you. If not, reach out to that Orthodox parish 2 hours away they'll give you an exorcism I'm sure.
Again user, do not lose hope. Keep on fighting even if there doesn't seem to be any end in sight. God will not forsake you. Until then I'll keep praying for you.
I enjoyed the webm thoroughly it made me quite happy
Dominic Harris
Archangel Raphael prays for the sick, I know you said you tried praying but whatever you do next, do not forget to ALSO pray.
I had the same hunch. Have you ever seen the Tulpa meme? These tumblr and anime idiots are giving themselves mental diseases to be cool.
