God wants me to kill myself?

You actually wont if you come to Christ for forgiveness.

He is tired of me asking him every night.

He's not. He loves that, and he will always forgive you if you repent. Stop listening to Satan's lies.

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You will remain conscious in Hell if you do it. You'll certainly see something wrong then.

Suicide is murder, which is not in God’s will. You need to see a psychiatrist or someone who’s trained to talk to you about this stuff. Suicide is NEVER an option

You have faith in God, and believe no? Then you need to repent, receive forgiveness for all of your failures and crooked ways. Go to confession, and confess all of your sins. As many as you can, even the ones you most don't want to confess, for if you do not confess them, they will not be forgiven. Think about this rationally, are you really going to pay for these crimes by burning in purgatory? or will you just endure the little embarrassment it gives and not have to deal with that. And plus, it is what is right anyways, you have sinned after all and really should be making things right anyways.

I would also recommend that if you masturbate, you should quit. It's a good place to start. This is what it means to repent, to try and reject a decadent life. Do not masturbate because it is shameful as a man to do so. Stop trading your dignity for pleasure. The very act of fapping is intrinsically emasculating, and is something akin to cutting one's wrists because it feels good; though in this case it is emasculating yourself because it feels good. If you are thinking you cannot do it, you're a fool for listening to the devil. With God's grace which he will surely provide seeing your honest intent you will eventually, with time pull through.

"Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who submit to or perform homosexual acts, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor verbal abusers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God"

If one thinks of this for a moment; couldn't it be true that the reason the sexually immoral and homosexuals are condemned is because through fornication they trade dignity for pleasure? To me, this makes a powerful statement on the grave importance of our dignity as men and the gravity of our mission as human beings. That includes you. I understand that it is difficult to succeed in the fight against sin, and truth be told you cannot do it without God. I tell you to do this, because this is how I found God - through study and repentance. I imagine this is why Jesus says "Repent and believe the good news!". It won't be easy, but if you're doing it right it won't be impossible either.

Smh

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I don't remember time where I didn't feel embarrassed. I always fail at everything and nothing works but like I said already sometimes I even fail or close to for other people. I simply don't see what God tries to show me with that, I already see my lack of worth. There is so much I can take. I'm trying to not do such acts, its not like I can especially when I'm feeling like complete shit right now. The problem is that such activities help you forget and release your stress to some extent, not necessary though so they overpower me sometimes. But all of this has to be intentional, I just can't see any other meaningful end than suicide.

Pick one.

He rejoices and the angels sing when ever one of his children find his love. He wants to keep you, please user pray to him.

Yeah but I always fail him and betray him so bad.

we all do. But keep trying, DONT GIVE UP.

Read the New Testament, the entire thing start to finish with the thought of suicide on your mind. I did that and it was the most spiritually productive thing that possibly ever happened in my life. God’s grace came and it was truly truly amazing. Worth doing. My interpretations of everything were much different. The whole idea is a LIVING sacrifice! Jesus died for literally you. You are called to sacrifice yourself, sure, but not to kill yourself, to give yourself to him …I think it’s very okay to hate the world, and to hate yourself, and for me when I read the New Testament , it changed the type of hate I had completely, it’s still ongoing, but hatred is for sin, not hatred for love. Don’t you want love to grow? Let Jesus teach you, he’s the teacher and guide. We are lost in the wilderness , that’s why life and everyone sucks so badly, we need him desperately to help guide us , and the whole world through us, out of this crazy mess we’re all in. Also remember you are not alone, not at all. And also remember:
also on a practical level switch your music. And if you want to read about destruction and devastation and godly hatred read Joshua from the Old Testament. I connected with him really hard. And then only after that I read the New Testament and it gave a much deeper understanding for me of my life and God’s plan.
Also a question I think thst is worth pondering:
Why do you think John THEN Jesus? Why did John have to come and do what he did baptizing the Jews? Weren’t the Jews already clean?
imo he came because it was required for him to make the Jews aware of how dirty they were , and to convince them how badly and desperately they needed saving from the entire world and also from themselves. Once you know you’re in the wilderness, then you can finally be free to seriously know that you need Jesus desperately to teach you the way out of it. Not everyone I think knows how throughly we are IN the wilderness. But if you have suicide on your mind this sounds like you are fully aware of how winnie the poohed we we all are. We all want out , user, we all do.

But if I don't give up I will make something even worse. Its like I have not done it myself and it just happens.

I'm aware of that but like I said already, I'm making things worse both for me and for the others. I simply don't understand why God made me so useless.

Hello OP, I hope you will do well in the future!

Try changing your diet to one based primarily on leafy green vegetables, eggs and (olive) oil, cutting out most meats (especially cheap meats!) and simple carbohydrates/sugars as much as possible. (Limiting sugar intake is most important, but don't replace it with aspartame or other such poisons). Drink only water. Try fasting for a day once per week. Read your bible, one (or more) chapter(s) a day, starting from Genesis. The advice of 1c621a to stop masturbating is sound, but in your case you might start out by simply reducing the frequency of your masturbation, aiming for no more than once peer week. Go for a walk for an hour or so and see if there is anything of God's creation that is still beautiful to you. (It's fine if there isn't. But if there is, you may still look at it, even if you don't think you are deserving of it.)
All of this is intended to improve your energy and self-control. Neither of which you probably have a lot of, given that you are suffering from depression (at least your display of hopelessness suggests such), so you will need to raise them before you can get better. You are more useful when you are not a broken garbage thing.

Now, you claim that you are a failure at everything. That is bad! (Of course) But it is not a destiny that you cannot escape. God does not care about your past failures, but about what you will be (See Ezekiel 33:8-20 for example). Any improvement will likely follow an exponential curve, which means that in the beginning you will see very small and seemingly meaningless gains, if at all. Meaning comes later. First try the stuff I suggested, then branch out doing things like washing yourself regularly, cleaning your bedroom, going to church every week, getting an honest income, ministering to those that are now worse off than you, learning an instrument, marrying a girl, raising God-fearing children and dying a martyrs death in the end-times.
All in good time, though. It doesn't matter if you have to take some time off along the way, just get back to it after two or three days.
Also, allow for a few years where everything keeps looking hopeless. It's not. It took me almost seven years to get out of my own depression and God helped me all along the way, even if the things that happened during that time often seemed exceedingly cruel to me. Keep praying and ask for help and wisdom.

No idea if any of this is helpful. My bad.

Oh, also I don't think it's God that made you useless, but that it's the result of the accumulated sins of your forefathers. This is not a curse God put there because He is cruel, but an emergent property of creation.
God allows for such things and helps you overcome it if you ask and put in a modicum of effort when prompted, but it might take a while. You are not tested above your ability (1 Corinthians 10:13).

What are you a muslim or something?

We are all useless, the only way of being useful is to give witness to the one Lord Christ, and the only way to do that is to live in his light and to proclaim him as truth.

I think I'm being true when I say this about you,
By the virtue of these deep woes of your soul you understand your weakeness
Closer to God than those who distance them from their needs of Christ, those that mimic his love, but so low are they their will can be seen but as mockery
Blessed are you user, your relationship with Jesus is more than many will ever know.

No God does not. Demons do. They are lying to you, infecting your thoughts, trying to separate you from God. Don't listen to them. Suicide is a sin. Anything which prompts you to destroy what God has given you is a lie, given to you by demons.

Pray these words:
HIDE ME IN YOUR WOUNDS, LORD JESUS

Let the Father separate what is good from what is evil, you are probably thinking you are worse than many successful individuals that are quite more dead than you already.
You are going to meet God anyway, and if you fold now you forfeit any possibility to do something good.

all it matters is the intention you do things with, the outcome does not depend on you a lot of times.
So if you do wrong things do less of them, and try to do things with a good intention. You have nothing to lose.

No. By giving up you will make certain that things will be bad, there's always the possibility that things will get better and improve. We all fell short from God, dont feel guilty.

since its on topic, if i do reckless activities (such as mountaneering or kayaking with cero knowledge) in the hopes of dying during the activity, does that count as suicide as well?

Other than doing even bigger sins because I'm retarded, Yeah.

You're not cursed, you're stuck in a bad place. God doesn't want you to be stuck in a bad place but if you commit suicide then you're certainly not getting out into a better one.

It counts as suicide if you do these things improperly. It's not "natural causes" unless you're actually trusting nature.

I myself have been close to death numerous times already yet I still can't do anything about it because I'm simply retarded/unlucky.

That's where you're wrong. Surrender yourself to Jesus and He will put His Spirit in you. You will experience more love and peace than you've ever experienced before, and you will have meaning in life. And through His Spirit, He will empower you to live holy. Put your trust in His promises, user.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
- Matthew 11:28-30