You actually wont if you come to Christ for forgiveness.
God wants me to kill myself?
He is tired of me asking him every night.
He's not. He loves that, and he will always forgive you if you repent. Stop listening to Satan's lies.
You will remain conscious in Hell if you do it. You'll certainly see something wrong then.
Suicide is murder, which is not in God’s will. You need to see a psychiatrist or someone who’s trained to talk to you about this stuff. Suicide is NEVER an option
You have faith in God, and believe no? Then you need to repent, receive forgiveness for all of your failures and crooked ways. Go to confession, and confess all of your sins. As many as you can, even the ones you most don't want to confess, for if you do not confess them, they will not be forgiven. Think about this rationally, are you really going to pay for these crimes by burning in purgatory? or will you just endure the little embarrassment it gives and not have to deal with that. And plus, it is what is right anyways, you have sinned after all and really should be making things right anyways.
I would also recommend that if you masturbate, you should quit. It's a good place to start. This is what it means to repent, to try and reject a decadent life. Do not masturbate because it is shameful as a man to do so. Stop trading your dignity for pleasure. The very act of fapping is intrinsically emasculating, and is something akin to cutting one's wrists because it feels good; though in this case it is emasculating yourself because it feels good. If you are thinking you cannot do it, you're a fool for listening to the devil. With God's grace which he will surely provide seeing your honest intent you will eventually, with time pull through.
"Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who submit to or perform homosexual acts, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor verbal abusers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God"
If one thinks of this for a moment; couldn't it be true that the reason the sexually immoral and homosexuals are condemned is because through fornication they trade dignity for pleasure? To me, this makes a powerful statement on the grave importance of our dignity as men and the gravity of our mission as human beings. That includes you. I understand that it is difficult to succeed in the fight against sin, and truth be told you cannot do it without God. I tell you to do this, because this is how I found God - through study and repentance. I imagine this is why Jesus says "Repent and believe the good news!". It won't be easy, but if you're doing it right it won't be impossible either.
Smh
I don't remember time where I didn't feel embarrassed. I always fail at everything and nothing works but like I said already sometimes I even fail or close to for other people. I simply don't see what God tries to show me with that, I already see my lack of worth. There is so much I can take. I'm trying to not do such acts, its not like I can especially when I'm feeling like complete shit right now. The problem is that such activities help you forget and release your stress to some extent, not necessary though so they overpower me sometimes. But all of this has to be intentional, I just can't see any other meaningful end than suicide.
Pick one.