I feel like it's harder to live after conversion

I've been torn between paganism and Christianity for ~2 years now, but I recently read C.S Lewis's Mere Christianity, and that book was so very convincing that it pushed me over the edge and I started to pray to Jesus and attending mass.

However ever since then I feel rather bad. My baser urges are getting stronger and my mind is all about making excuses for my desire to fornicate and seek out sex. I didn't masturbate for weeks now but I regularly have dreams of a sexual nature, I sleep really badly, I think about having sex a LOT more than I used to, and I have prideful phantasies of being a good person.
Generally I feel like a terrible person.

I also try to love Jesus and God, but I don't know how to actually do that? Do I force these emotions or do I just do good things and offer them to Christ? I already understand that good deeds shouldn't be done for my own ego, but out of love for God, however it's so hard to avoid hubris and self-satisfaction.

Another thing is that I try to "let go" of my desires, but I can't do it all. I mostly focus on keeping my sexual frustration in check, but I find myself stress-eating a LOT as a result.

I feel like a part of me just wants to give up.
What do?

Attached: Longenecker-MAYPASS.jpg (682x519, 197.24K)

Another thing I found to be very hard is that I can't decide whether it's pleasing to God that I work in the field of chemistry and informatics?
How do you work for the benefit of people around you out of love if you merely play around with bits of code and mix chemicals for profit?

Sometimes I wonder if I screwed up royally.

You need to chill out, bro.

It's only satan and the world tempting you because you're starting to free yourself.
In fact it should make you happy and push you to keep going because you're on the right path. Why would satan tempt the wordly who are already his? Or the lukewarm? There is no point… All his attacks are directed against those who seek God with sincerity.

I've struggled with that. We must love God with our entire self… That also includes our intelligence, our deeds… It's not just an emotion. Even if you feel nothing "strong" during prayer (it comes and go) as long as you keep His commandements and do it for Him you're set.

Just remember that you're nothing.
I really mean it. You're nothing. All your beauty, your strenght and your virtue come from God. If He wished it he could take everything from you… But it's especially true of the virtues… You cannot create virtue… The only thing you can do is to destroy what prevents God's grace to shine upon you. He's basically lending you virtue
Without God just you're another fornicator codemonkey.

Unless you're creating software that actively harms society (like Tinder) I don't think it matters. God will judge you according to what you've done regarding your situation.. You can still live a saintly life while attending your wordly duties to feed yourself.

God bless you user. Don't give up

Attached: BOGOSS.jpg (1167x1600, 603.34K)

Running before walking, or even crawling. Focus on doing one thing and see how it effects your life, try setting aside a certain time to pray at home, find something regular and repeatable like the Jesus prayer and numb your mind with it.

Also enjoy it, you've found something wonderful, worth reading about, discussing and sharing through charity. This isn't like paganism where you are trying to do the right practices to please arbitrary gods, instead do charitable things, and don't worry where the chips fall. Everything is in God's hands, and we're such small creatures that even the act of charity doesn't belong to us.

You're doing something, and that's the main thing

Thank you anons.
It was especially hard for me to find "my calling", because I only ever did things that interested me but everything grew stale after a while. Maybe I should just stick to what I do now and run with it. Maybe get deeper into chemistry. I love chemistry.

Satan prefers attacking the young, and you are young in Christ. Christ Himself referred to being 'born again,' a thing which has just happened to you. Satan has no scruples and knows that, if you are allowed to mature, he can never have you back in his clutches, so he's trying to kill your faith in its infancy. You're not to blame that your struggles are increasing, just as we don't fault newborns for having trouble coping with the world. What you need to do is:
a) accept that this is reality
b) acknowledge that it is temporary, out loud if that helps
c) surround yourself with mature Christians who can save your infant self from the hungry wolves.
I would also recommend you read C.S. Lewis' "The Screwtape Letters" for insight into how demons attempt to tempt you and what works best against their attacks
Most of all, user, know that we, the entire body of Christ, are behind you.

Does anyone have a digital version of this book to share?
On the subject, should we do a library thread?

Regarding your issues, as someone who also lived in degeneracy, is constantly aroused and thinking of sex. This is among our most primal urges, is one of main focus of energy, but it doesn't need to be, my hope is that it will get easier eventually and I can then focus this energy in other areas.
I'm not even capable yet of holding out on fapping for long, and even when I can go a week without it, women will start eyeing me up with lustful eyes, is true temptation his in several ways, and it's the work of the devil.

Also keep in mind, sometimes work for work's sake is a prayer to God unto itself.

Off the top of my head, I remember a tale of St. Anthony of the Desert. He was having prideful thoughts, so in order to humble him, he sent him a dream of a shoemaker in the village whom God said was more humble and worthy than he was. St. Anthony then sought out this shoemaker and inquired about his daily life. The shoemaker said he basically got up each day, said his prayers, made shoes, and had the mentality that all others were on the path to heaven except him, and focused on his own shortcomings and sins rather than that of others. St. Anthony kissed him on the forehead and said that the shoemaker had found the precious pearl without any effort.

Making shoes isn't exactly changing the world, but the shoemaker was righteous in God's eyes simply because of humility and doing what God put him on earth to do.

Just search for it on libgen.io

you'll come to see that God is not unrealistic, making you do absurd abstract far away things that can't be expected to be done - he is not unreasonable; what he asks is real and within reach. He allows you to fail and even sin in the process of learning (which is surprising. Also don't take that in the wrong way, obviously you still don't want to sin.) Most importantly, God is patient in his teaching, he doesn't do it all at once, he teaches you over time, some periods more intense than others.

Chances are, you will learn to fix your sexual issues, then quite a few months later move onto a different lesson. There are a lot of misguided thoughts you will have about what you're supposed to do. Don't worry about it, you will be made to do what you need to do on God's timing. He will reveal it to you, usually through your searching… but i'm just letting you know, as a beginner you've got a not exactly up to scratch on how things actually work, so don't worry so much about untouchable things you don't yet have the experience in. Keep up your sources, stay in faith and I can assure you it'll work out eventually.

I had that happen three times - in each instance, while the flesh tempted me, I went for longer and longer periods of time without masturbating. 7 days, then 20-something, then 90, then 239 days. My New Years Resolution was to never masturbate again, and I'm so sorry I did it last time I think I'll manage.

It's been more than 28 days since I masturbated, but between the last time and January 1st I didn't count.

I did too. Keep giving money to homeless people. Promise to help people do home improvement or cleaning for free. Shovel snow. Eventually it becomes a boring chore, and you cry inside for the pain of this life of charity to be over.

Like Jesus, you suffer for others. The pain of this Earthly life is made obvious - someone has to give the charity you're giving. Someone has to do the work and the chores. Why not you - why someone else? By doing things for others, we truly sacrifice, and reduce the weight of the sin crushing Jesus.

I've been told by Christians that part of letting go of sin is letting go of the pity party surrounding your remorse and repentence for it.

How do you prove you love a person? Imagine Jesus as a doctor who can cure your illness, bring you back from the dead, and promises to let you retire on his estate when you die. He's going to bring you back from the dead in a perfect land.

I was told by Christians that the church and other Christians are the 'avatar' (My words, not theirs) of Jesus, and that serving other Christians is how you serve and love Jesus.

Even getting married and having sex with your wife is loving Jesus through her. As long as you're loving and serving your wife, you're loving and serving a member of the church, which is the avatar of Jesus.

Working a job is serving Jesus, as long as you use some of it for charity. Stop buying garbage like soda, and give the money to homeless people or your church.

If you feel sexual desire, and you're not looking at another real person, no true adultery is occuring. As long as you don't look at real people or images of real people with lust, and as long as you don't masturbate, this is just temptation.

The only solution to temptation is to avoid the tempting stimulus.

That's literally Satan talking in your ear. You can give up and die the eternal death, or control yourself and have eternal life.

How can you give up immortality for a 5 second orgasm? Why not get a wife?

Attached: IMG_6225.PNG (475x300 21.57 KB, 72.24K)

It happens to everyone. It's your mind + the devil using their last straws against you. Stay strong.
BEGOME PHYSICIST

If you are serious about never masturbating again, stop counting.

Ignore this poster:

I took this advice and literally got worse. In Sex Addict Anonymous groups and other such 12 step programs, they may have a mantra of "one day at a time" but they also keep count: for good reason. Keeping track of how long one has been able to resist acting out is a good marker of one's level of sobriety and also helps in terms of choosing and becoming a sponsor to help others in such programs. Plus getting a multi-month or multi-year anniversary marker is big reward/hap hit - being able to say with certainty I've been sober for 3 years" is powerful and life-affirming. Some counter arguments I've heard are: "Are you going to keep counting for the rest of your life? If so, you're not serious about giving it up!" and "It's not a contest!'

Firstly, yes, if you truly, honestly acknowledge that you are an addict and are powerless without the help of God (paradoxically the first step to getting better) this is something you are going to be fighting for the rest of your life. So yes, you are going to keep track of your level of sobriety for the rest of your life, otherwise you grow careless. Instead of having a mentality of "I've been sober for months, I've gotta keep going!" it's "Well, I haven't been keeping track anyway, so who cares." In other words, if you truly do take getting better seriously, monitoring yourself is a part of this process. Which dovetails into the fact that no, it's not an endurance contest, it's about keeping yourself in check.

I forget who posted it, but thee was a video of a literal priest saying that those who were the most successful at beating this addiction did not just over spiritualize their problem (I.e. did nothing but pray and fast) but found a sex therapist and joined a sex addicts based 12 step group. In other words, take this addiction seriously. Ignore this post:

I noticed it's way harder for me to get myself into prayer.
For some reason I feel strained when I think about it or just tell myself I will do it later.

I did it today morning though and I feel a lot better since. I think it's better to pray early, even if you have to stop doing something important. Just give myself 30 minutes and it's all better.

How do you know there's a causal relation between the two?

The sexual attacks are demonic. This is not of the Heavenly realm. It makes you relapse and have a mind of seclusion. Making you shut away from God because of guilt. That guilt alone can make you backslide even more….. a very dark spiritual darkness would occur.

Repent. Discuss with God about your weakness. There are accounts from single people who no longer have sexual urges after seeking God like this. Christ knows your weakness. I think even He had a foot fetish.

Attached: 8c72dfb27845c1940158b0994c87c9fdfa8c933fa1ed9186234ae09aef6ea59c.png (483x530, 248.81K)

It's not the easiest, also for avoidance of doubt it comes in 4 forms, from easiest to hardest; petition, intercession, adoration and contemplation.

Petition is asking for shit/help (easy)
Intercession is asking for shit/help on behalf of others (not too hard, most people have enough altruism)
Adoration; prayers which focus on glorifying the triune God, His angels and saints (getting abstract, but helps focus the mind)
Contemplation; ??? monk mode initiated/in Soviet Russia, God prays for you (expert mode)

Point is, such spiritual exercises improve you, so you shouldn't put them off. It is hard to be angry at a neighbour for instance, if you are also praying on his behalf.

You know, it's very fascinating, very fascinating indeed, that people will masturbate even where they know that they are not entirely safe from discovery, but they would only pray after locking the door to their room and turning off the lights.

...

Are you sure you want to commit blasphemy against the holy spirit? You will weep and bleed before this is over.

There is nothing inherently wrong with profit. Profit can entail minimizing cost through innovation, efficiency and competition to provide an affordable product to as many people as possible.

Post hoc ergo propter hoc is not a valid causal inference.

STOP

Attached: AAAAAA.jpg (700x582, 61.2K)

Attached: 0254ffecbcff1e9c7878f4ba5f0187b3637b961f668b014da0492726c6363a87.png (756x666, 427.69K)

Attached: bbc2d7ac73dd2b25516c0f0544d64affc664e8aa5b8343218b8ea23366dd09c3.png (388x439, 211.11K)

Argument from fallacy.

And I'll take common sense over any pedantic pseudo intellectual debate over this anyway.

When you document and keep track of your exercise progress, seeing your gains in comparison to where you started is a big time motivator, and pretty much applies to any long term endeavor. Whenever I'm feeling down about my art progress, I take out a drawing that I did literally 16 years ago, and compare it to where I am now in terms of skill level.

And if one understands the nature of real addiction, it's easy to see why just going "I'm not going to bother counting or keeping track, because I'm just not going to do it anymore: period." is laughable. I don't count the days since I've been sober from smoking, because for me, quitting cigarettes/cigars/tobacco/etc. was pathetically easy. It was pathetically easy because I wasn't addicted in the first place. If you can quit an "addiction" with just pure willpower without much effort, you probably weren't an addict in the first place, and don't know what real addiction is.

See attached vid. Probably one of the best summations of addiction ever. If this scene does not punch you in the gut or you don't find yourself relating to this, you are not an addict and are not addicted.

Good, keep going OP.

Sounds like you're in the midst of spiritual warfare.

This