Map your spiritual journey

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This is where I am at right now.

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Repent.

pretty boring

I am trying…yesterday I wanted to go to confession before mass, but I felt like I’m not worthy the effort. Plus, at times I have this voice screaming in my head, callitme useless, irredeemable and/or plain evil; I try to rebuke it, but recalling some of my sins (and how for some I don’t even have much of a sense of guilt) I fear I will not have a chance of heart. Plus, the idea of me being a reprobate with no hope to coming back has took roots in my mind.

Your sins are terrible, as are all sins, but God is eager to forgive you for them. The devil is the great accuser, the voice telling you you're unworthy of God's mercy is from the enemy. In a manner of speaking you are unworthy of God's mercy, as is everyone else, but that's how mercy works. Mercy doesn't come from your own level of worthiness, but rather it flows from God's infinite love. In fact, God is already bestowing a certain amount of mercy upon you; if He wasn't then you, and everyone else, would have been sent to Hell a long time ago. You can't beg for mercy because you deserve it, but you must beg for mercy because you need it

Thanks; all of that I “know” (as in: I read it and agreed with it), but I can’t bring myself to believe it for my soul. I am tired of failing God, and I keep hushing away those whom love me and those whom I used to love.

I strongly believe i was brought here by providence

Just go to Confession, and preferably attend a Mass right afterwards. When you experience God's mercy firsthand you'll truly believe it in your heart. If you can't silence the voice of the accuser then tolerate it, because it'll stop when God triumphantly snatches you away from your sins.

F

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However in 2015 there seemed to be a wind of change in the air, and I hoisted sail to see where it would take me. Turns out I was wrong about everything. Socrates and Plato were deeply religious, and it was the Sophists who were the atheists. Took my leap of faith and returned to the church.

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(I am here)

Will probably go again, still not entirely convinced on veneration but I assume whatever the answer is it will come as long as I truthfully seek the Lord

probably they only observed christian traditions and not believe it. lot of that going on in the world : /

While I'm still very immature in my faith, I have no doubts I'm finally home now. Perhaps I'll study Latin and attend a TLM in time, but for now I'm more than content with Novus Ordo.

It's good to fear god. If you've sinned a lot you want to stay in the darkness where no one can see, but if you fear the lord you know you will be judged sooner or later so you might as well ask for his forgiveness and not disobey him again.

The same thing happened to me the first time I went to confession and it still happens when I go back to confession after not having gone for a while. But after that first time, I swear the world smelled better. I would still have panic attacks at mass for the first few months but they went away but I was super fugged up in the head when I started going.

Also I should mention that you can't just go to confession as a non Catholic. You have to be going through rcia and be taught by a priest how to confess properly and what confession is all about. I didn't have to do this because I was confirmed as a lukewarm kid who's lukewarm mom made him do it for cultural reasons.

One of the signs of demonic possession is an aversion to holy things, such as Churches or crucifix. You feel pain and shame from both things, so maybe you would need to consult a Catholic Exorcist to deal with whatever is inside you.

This. It's time to get rid of that evil spirit that sank it's claws into you.

i just want to forget everything that happened between 13 and 24.

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Not gonna lie my journey has been pretty bad, do you guys have any advice for my current situation?

BEGOME ORDODOGS

No seriously, go read Damick's Orthodoxy and Heterodoxy, it clears up a lot of misunderstandings and misconceptions about many denominations, not just Orthodoxy.

Don't go into Christianity looking for a true mystical experience, that will only bring disappointment. A true mystic experience is a gift from God that he bestows only on those truly fit to receive such a blessing. Very, very few people are.

Read the Bible and pray every day, ask God to help you find out where He wants you. Remember to never test God, don't ever ask Him "if you're real do x" or anything like that. Confess your sins to Him and turn from sin as best as you can, put your trust in Him and let Him work through you. If you have specific questions I'd be glad to try and help.

^^^^ A thousand times THIS. Had "mystical experiences" myself while a LARPagan. Can say from personal experience, that if you have a "mystical experience", there is a 99.99999% chance that your are literally just being trolled by demons. Even bona fide canonized saints were tempted with false visions of angels, paradise and even Christ himself. Always test such things and be on your guard.

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And here I am just before baptism, but God will save me.

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I wasn't really implying mysticism as talking with spirits, but more along the lines of spiritual fulfillment (yoga, meditation), but I see your guys' points. Thanks a ton, this is really gonna give me something to chew over the next few weeks.

Thanks Zig Forums for introducing Anderson to me.

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Though I will admit to it making me an iranaboo, and my fondness for the Mazdaists remains
In hindsight, thank the Lord I didn't go to Reddit first. /r/Christianity would've sent me right back to Zoroastrianism
Not to imply I've ever stopped doing that, mind
I can't thank you all enough for being there for the early steps of my walk with Christ. I love you all, God bless you.
even the mods
I actually cried while typing this and I don't even care how lame that sounds

Out of all Satan worship you choose Zoroastrianism

Out of all nations, you choose to like the worst one, Iran.

Inspiring story btw

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You're probably not around by now but I meant it as in "feel-good loosely Christian, very under catechized and non-practicing Christian family".

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Iran isn't so bad user. Don't listen to the Jews.

Aye, in addition to more archetypal occult phenomenon, I also count so called "spiritual highs" amongst pseudo "spiritual experiences.

When I first apostatized from Christianity, I remember having one of the best feelings in the world. Like I had a 50 ton weight lifted off my shoulders, was free and everything was going to be okay from that point on. It lasted a good while…. but it didn't last. Eventually the emptiness came. I even had good warm and fuzzy feelings, and a sense of being on the right path that I would be on for the rest of my life, in addition to the more intense occultic experiences. That lasted for an even longer while… but even that ultimately eroded over time.

In contrast, the good feelings I get with Christianity are simultaneously more and less intense. They are much more profound and grounded. To make a comparison: if the spiritual high from false paths is akin to puppy love or casual flings or a childish crush, in contrast, Christianity gives you a much more deeper, stable and consistent feeling, akin to the sense of long-term companionship acquired in marriage.

Which is why I'm taking my catechism much more seriously. Good feelings alone can still be deceptive, and I know that baptism is a deadly serious commitement. I know that reading every theology book every before I get baptized is not realistic, but I still want to be well grounded in the theology and understanding of my Church and other denominations as well before I take that big step.

Iran controls Lebanon through hezbollah and funds pro government rebels in yemen. It's imperialistic like America.

They ain't, once when they outbreed you they'll persecute Christians. Also, Christians are persecuted in Iran and soul winning is punishable by death.

They don't, it's a sugar coating. Deep within cities there's degeneracy, heck even homosexuality.

They do try to make one

No Muslim is an ally, Iran is no better than Saudi.

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I will be Catholic forever now.

I suppose I'll be Catholic until I die.

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>read C.S. Lewis' The Problem of Pain

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I'd encourage you to contemplate and pray about this deeply. Being involved with a community and under the guidance of a church is essential to one's spiritual journey.

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A lot of friends of mine moved onto Orthodoxy though, and that's a bit shaky for me. I can't abandon sound truth that easy though.

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tell story?

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When I converted, the Orthodox Church didn't re-baptize me. There was a tiny dispute between the two parishes that I went to, and the one I went to most went ahead and chrismated me without baptizing me a second time. Maybe just try to find a different parish?

I feel very fulfilled, lads. About to go read the Bible to my mother in law.

geez was everyone here once an apostate / larpagan? Well I had gave in with the memevacantist thing once so I guess I can't brag.

prepare for blogpost rip.

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2/2
Well, I want to believe what is proper, did I not say? Which means I hate wishful thinking, and doing things in bad faith, and I hold out for the Catholic faith, they're always right in the end, so when the diamond brothers show their stuff, I can't see any way out. For the first time ever, I concede - this is the catholic faith and vatican II is false, and that revelation stuff, as well as church history honestly makes it seem like anything is possible. Though rationally I felt the arguments for sedevacantism were fullproof and I couldn't see how I could get around it, conceding just didn't feel good. Not like a betrayal or anything like that, more like i'd just never given in to an argument before - i'm so used to resisting that actually not resisting felt weird. Didn't like it. I also didn't like how I found myself identify that I am a sedevacantist, as though I were something different from a Roman Catholic. But what got me out wasn't my own reason but grace - the whole time I knew that if God would give me the sign that it was wrong, I would drop it; I became more and more convinced, yet he never seemed to give a sign 1 way or another - it was really annoying actually. Between the paralels between luthers reformation and trumps awoovement, sedevacantist issues, and Catholicism, I had never been more confused in my life, and I said it frequently. One time I knew this was the one where I was going to receive the confirmation 1 way or another, and in the genius way in only a way God could think to do it, he gives the strongest confirmation… of a halfway inbetween answer. So I took halfway as the answer - I was to wait and continue the struggle, but at least this time with more hope and more ease. It had been bothering me that I hadn't seen anything from him since the start of these troubles, it made me even more concerned if I was on the right path. Eventually I agreed to go to a latin mass, something I wanted to do before as a traditionalist, but ultimately became forbidden by sedevacantist principals of not going to the counter church, traditionalist or no. "Halfway" made me think it was right to violate these principals. The priest was based af traditionalist Jewish convert to the faith, some of the most beautiful and genuine people you'll ever meet. A man who cries at the sight of the priest, walking up to the altar merely by the sight of his thoughtful reverence. People who give a shit, who participate, women who wear the nice little cloth thingies on their heads in modesty, and man was it beautiful. You could see that it was made by Christians for God - even the lights had crosses embroiden in them, the latin and pastel colors. This was the way church ought to be, it was everything I had always wanted to see, but there in front of me. More importantly, I talked with him after mass, and he was familiar with the diamond brothers and all that. Basically he gave the impression of "the guy has good points and I don't think I could refute them all, but naw, stay in the faith", and that's what I did. Eventually I did find problems with it, so it's no longer just on faith to have good reason to think they are wrong, but that's what it took to get out. Well now as a symptom of the diamond brothers, he got me praying the rosary 2-3 times a day for a time, and he ultimately made me not let anyone hold that type of high influence over me anymore.

And more or less, now I'm here, practicing more. It's been a few months since then tho.

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Atheist: 1-15
Atheist leaning Agnostic with Gnostic/Dualist and broadly Christian sympathies: 15-19
Atheist leaning Agnostic with primarily Catholic and broadly Christian sympathies: 19-now

I cannot convince myself to believe, but I fully support Christendom's efforts against secularism. I hold Atheism to be true, but a truth that is not useful may as well remain unknown.

Same

I appreciate the concern and advice. I will do so.. and honestly, I have. It seems that I'm constantly asking God lately in particular.

That said, I think we've always had elements that separated. Not just the church with it's hermits and desert dwellers.. but also in Israel. There is the tradition of the shepherd - the wanderer.. and the farmer - the man of civilized community. After Moses, it extended to inward turning prophets and the outward focused Levites. Not to say I'm a prophet though! By no means. Just that Imaybe I'm still safe standing a bit on the outskirts. It's not necessarily by choice though.. I don't say this out of pride. I don't always like it, and wish I fit in somewhere. At least from time to time.

This is a nice thread btw. I know we all don't agree on many details, but I like hearing your stories.

Pretty much me right now.

Hebephilia isn't pedophilia okay ?

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Come on user, you can't say you got a literal demon and not tell the story

ikr? where's the demon story user

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Feels good

Still prottie or convert?

More or less yeah. I might be non-denominational or something.

Guess I'll do it

Pray for me, I'm about to jump back into it but something's holding me back.

Mine’s really exciting:

I know that feeling man. I go through the same thing. Just know that those thoughts are of no value to you and that they shouldn’t stop you from doing what God tells you to. I’ll be praying for you

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What I mean to say is that I transferred there when I was like in 5th grade, (hence the kid stuff) and I’ve been there since. Figured I’d clarify before people started saying that I was underage

Dude fine a Tridentine Mass for the love of God. NO masses make me want to burn the church down.

You're not a Catholic. Stop false flagging, Baptist.

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One thing to note is that I almost never read the Bible or prayed outside of church all those years
Last weekend marked one whole year in the Church.

Prottie and non-denom overlap to a certain extent.
Either way, welcome aboard.

NO is such cancer don’t even try to defend this blasphemy. Just become orthodox already.

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Please dont tell me that you're actually talking about different autocephalous churches

Would you like 3 marriages and birth control with that faith

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Baptists will always welcome you, no matter your past

Why not?

No one needs the breakaways of the breakaways of the breakways of the breakaways(im not exagerating) of Apostolic Christendom.

You’re just afraid of going back. This is pride.

Speak for your own church.
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Yeah, I see. I think I'll go talk to a priest soon enough. I'm really torn, and it's hard to describe how I feel. Deep down I really want to come back to Christ, but I still remember the pain of religion-induced OCD, the anxiety and everything that came with it. It made me really miserable. I'm trying to fight it though, I really am. I'm a winnie the pooh-up and an introvert but I'll go talk to somebody. I feel like I really need it.

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Is it wrong that I think occultist are less cringeworthy than atheists?

I've been a Christian for about 6 months now. I've converted a friend of mine recently which has been fantastic, though I feel like I am lacking a disciplined understanding of Christianity other than what I have learned from the Bible in my own way. I have never been baptized, though I wish to be soon. I've had waking visions of a baptism by Christ (and many other visions, all of them religious since my conversion) in times of great anxiety which have left me eager to sanctify my awakening through the ritual.
My conversion has permanently changed me in ways I never thought possible. I have found a wellspring of infinite depth from which to draw strength. I have become a patient man, though prone to err in my journey along the narrow path. The most important thing I've learned in all of this is that there is a pathway I can take to better myself in every choice I make.

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